[ypsilon99]

Hello.
I am in my mid to late 30s and started to learn to drive three years ago. When I first started I felt I made major improvements and within 5-6 months I took my first test. I was completely confident and understood what I was doing. I failed my test on one major and zero minors. It really shook me. My instructor at the time said I'd regret not passing that one, and he was right! I took another one and failed dismally (I can't remember why, but I was shaking). My instructor retired, so I drove with a new one, took a test, and failed even more dismally (I started the test without putting my seat belt on, but he failed me on something else).

I then gave up.

Then I tried it again, very briefly, and just felt bored and odd about driving, so gave up after two lessons. Now, since January I've started driving again, and I am simply a bad driver. There is nothing else to say. Unlike three years ago, I simply no longer understand driving. Every situation at junctions and roundabouts seems ambiguous to me. My new instructor says I am too scared and nervous, but that isn't even the case anymore. I simply have lost the ability to read any situation. Nothing seems obvious to me. Whether this is a deliberate blocking mechanism on my part, I don't know. Nor do I really know how to address it.

I take one lesson a week. I am close to giving up completely, knowing that if I do, that's it forever. We have a child and we're thinking of another baby, so I could do with the licence, but I just feel a million miles away. My theory test has lapsed of course and I haven't even begun to think about that.

Any tips on how to think your way into driving culture would be helpful. Shall I take a week off work and do one of those intensive courses where you drive the whole time? Any advice would be welcome for a dispirited learner.

[Jack Reacher]

Personally, I would think you need an instructor who could boost your confidence and self esteem.

My experience with an organisation that operates a large fleet of vehicles leads me to suggest that the methods used by the Ministry of Defence
in teaching drivers is successful.

[ypsilon99]

Thanks for your reply.

What is the Ministry of Defence method?

I should say that my current driving instructor is okay. He's my fourth one. I can't complain too much and can't keep changing them. The problem is obviously with me (though I really liked my first one a lot, but he retired!). I just can't think my way into driving. It's the one area of my life where I feel completely locked out. I've passed tests in every other area of my life, I've learned well everywhere else, but driving seems to me to be an alien thing altogether now. Sometimes I feel so frustrated I really feel emotional: again, that doesn't happen to me in any other walk of life. It's truly astonishing given that every Tom, Dick and Harry can drive.

So I'm curious to know about the Ministry of Defence method.

[Jack Reacher]

It has confidence and trust in people and instils confidence in the students that they can do it, without fear.

[Santa]

Clearly your confidence took a knock when you failed and then you lacked motivation. Now, with a new baby on the way, you have a good reason to want this. The key to passing is practice, the more you do anything, the less you have to think about it. An experienced driver doesn't usually 'think' about changing gear, they just do it automatically. This frees up the brain for making decisions about what's ahead/behind/around and act accordingly.

Many years ago I wrote some procedures manuals. Even something simple takes pages. Try writing down everything you do when you change gear and you will see what I mean. You have to be able to do the basic stuff without thinking about it. You also have to train your brain to only 'see' the important stuff.

With practice comes confidence. Confidence in your own ability to relax and handle the car, and to make it do what you want it to, and confidence to navigate your way through traffic and pedestrians who all see to be trying to throw themselves under your wheels.

[98selitb]

I would say try not to worry about driving "culture" / "thinking" / "practices" and simply drive how your instructor tells you, which is how you need to drive to be able to pass the test. Driving to pass the test is not the same as driving in a real-life situation. Plenty of people on the road don't drive how you have to drive to pass your test. Sometimes it is a worse standard than how learners are taught, and sometimes it's not worse at all, just different as you adapt to situations with experience.

Once you pass your test, have an experienced driver accompany you for a while afterwards as you get used to how people actually drive (as opposed to how they are taught to match the test criteria). There's an adage that you are not taught to drive - you are taught to pass your test, and you only learn to drive once you pass. It's somewhat but not completely true, as the better instructors will go the extra mile, while others will exclusively teach what you need for the test and nothing else.

It's normal after a few fails to think you will never pass the test, I've been there as have many others! Get back on the horse asap if you fail a test.

[wagolynn]

One point that I think may help, you talk as though driving is black, and white, yes there is the Highway code but on the road, it all becomes grey.

So you have to make judgements, you are trying to learn this while still having to think about making the car do what you want.

The only answer to the problem is practice.

[ypsilon99]

So I started this thread last March and today I passed my test with one minor fault. I changed driving instructors in the meantime (again) and started driving with an amazing instructor from late-September onwards. My driving is unrecognisable. Driving with him was always a matter of one or two hours of chatting about life while driving around. I didn't even notice how quickly he turned me into a normal driver. So upwards and onwards to my first car...

[alan1302]

Congratulations on passing

[Santa]

Well done - but remember that you are still a learner.